May 22, 2013 § Leave a comment
i. stuck in an abyss
where I did not believe in God
but prayed anyway –
while his stone-cold grip didn’t leave my fingers
until I was numb throughout my body.
ii. I escaped. I never escaped.
I try to escape.
I burnt my throat and kissed a boy I shouldn’t have,
I prayed to God and remembered he does not exist.
iii. He does not exist – does he exist?
The fear of him looms in my mind like a never-ending drumbeat –
louder than my own heart.
I can hear his voice – see his face –
but he’s not there.
Did I escape?
She is my escape –
bright eyes and soft touch
and an iron-clad grip
as she says – “you’re safe”
and there’s warmth that spreads from her fingertips
to mine as she smiles.
iv. She smiles – her fingers wrapped around his –
I wonder if she promised him safety
as I burn my throat.
I try to pray to God but remember that he is not real.
She is real.
v. She is real.
I have already turned away after feeling the warmth of her lips on mine.
Red lipstick lingers on the edges of my lips.
I wipe it away – the back of my hand the shade of her lips –
as if it means nothing.
She means nothing.