The Escape

May 22, 2013 § Leave a comment

i. stuck in an abyss

   where I did not believe in God

   but prayed anyway –

   everyday,

   while his stone-cold grip didn’t leave my fingers

   until I was numb throughout my body.

 

   I escaped.

 

ii. I escaped. I never escaped.

I try to escape.

I burnt my throat and kissed a boy I shouldn’t have,

I prayed to God and remembered he does not exist.

 

iii. He does not exist – does he exist?

      The fear of him looms in my mind like a never-ending drumbeat –

      louder than my own heart.

      I can hear his voice – see his face –

      but he’s not there.

      Did I escape?

      She is my escape –

      bright eyes and soft touch

      and an iron-clad grip

      as she says – “you’re safe”

      and there’s warmth that spreads from her fingertips

      to mine as she smiles.

 

 ivShe smiles – her fingers wrapped around his –

I wonder if she promised him safety

as I burn my throat.

I try to pray to God but remember that he is not real.

She is real.

 

v. She is real.

    I have already turned away after feeling the warmth of her lips on mine.

    Red lipstick lingers on the edges of my lips.

    I wipe it away – the back of my hand the shade of her lips –

    as if it means nothing.

    She means nothing.

 

    I escape.

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