I’ve been reading the same book all summer…
August 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
… and that’s pretty sad, considering that I’ve always been that girl who, for a long time in her life, has been reading a book a day. But let’s not talk about what we haven’t managed to achieve this summer, let’s talk about what we have.
In the last few months of school, before the exams had quite begun and summer seemed a thing of the far, far future, I sat with my school books laid out in front of me and imagined all of these wonderful things I would do over the summer holidays. I would write more short stories, become more than just an amateur poet with no knowledge of poetry and heck, I’d even become a better photographer! Not only that, but I’d go to the beach and hang out with my friends! And maybe afterwards I would turn on my PS3 and finally finish all those unfinished games (I still haven’t finished Resistance 2 campaign… and that came out, what? 2 years ago? 3?). Of course, I couldn’t forget about how I would be on the computer working on my Photoshop skills while catching up with my internet friends! Or that during the moments in between all those things I would pick through all those unread books in my bookshelf and finally get through them.
Realistically almost none of that happened. And I think I’ve beat myself up enough about that, never really considering why none of these things happened and definitely not being proud of everything that did happen.
I was definitely trying to fit too many things into the very short space of 2 months. And I left myself no room to actually just relax. After all that stress over exams, I don’t think it occurred to me that what I deserved and I what I needed was to just… be. I didn’t need to be stressing over writing or reading or any of those things. I had gone through enough stress throughout my last school year. And even during the summer, though I tried not to think about the upcoming results, I won’t deny that there were times when I did have big, huge freak-outs over how my exams went, college applications and results. It probably wasn’t smart to freak out over these things that I have no control over but it was natural.
I guess what I’m trying say is that if you’re like me and you had all of these things lined up for the summer and almost none of that happened, don’t be hard on yourself. Think about the things that you did do. Then think about how in your plans you never gave yourself time to recover from the school/college year, or to prepare for the upcoming school/college year.
I was pretty upset for the majority of summer for having this big, creative block that’s been stopping me from writing or doing anything else creative. But I realise that maybe that was my brain’s way of telling myself to just stop, breathe and relax. I do put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to improving artistically, probably a little too much pressure at times. So perhaps this summer wasn’t the time to go on big, artistic ventures or literary ventures or… anything like that. Maybe all I needed to do this summer was stop stressing and enjoy myself.
Maybe that’s all you needed to do this summer too! So stop stressing, panicking about all of those things you didn’t get done and enjoy the last few days of summer. Don’t waste time dreading the upcoming school/college year or regretting the days that you did waste. Don’t stop to complain about the rain and how the sun doesn’t even come out in the summer in your country, or how you hate the sun because it gives you freckles. Take these last few days and just flow with it.
P.S. If you have results coming out soon… you’re allowed to worry and stress a little bit. But only a little bit!
P.P.S. You’re probably thinking “hey, Adiba, you said that maybe this summer isn’t about big writing ventures, well, what about nanowrimo you big hypocrite?”. Well… yes. Nanowrimo is still there. And maybe it is a bit of a large writing venture but I’m just trying to flow with it and not let it overwhelm me or stress me out!